After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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