I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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