2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize