like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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