Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
