I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
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