why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize