I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
