I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize