I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
