I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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