My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
