I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
