Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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