They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
