he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
