it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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