Just fell off a train. Bad.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize