I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We have started to decorate penises.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
