Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
