My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
