I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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