sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
