he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
