so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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