Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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