i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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