I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
