question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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