I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
