I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
