what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
