Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
