grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
