We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
