Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize