So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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