i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just fell off a train. Bad.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This baby is an asshole
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
