Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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