I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
