There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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