I met the friendliest cop last night
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
