I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize