WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
