Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
