I need help removing her.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How naked do you want me to be?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
