***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh god it's open bar.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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