I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
