guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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