PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
