a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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