just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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