come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
