I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
