Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
