Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize