Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize