Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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