I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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