he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
bring money and cleavage
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
