I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
