I wish I could teleport
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
