It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
