Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
