Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Found the puke drawer
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
