I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
