He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
