i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
