Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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