No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
