got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
